"It doesn't get easier...you just get used to it!"
Those were the words of wisdom that Chris offered as I prepared to leave Graham to go back to work, and now three weeks later I can firmly say that it is not easier, and I am still not used to it! I don’t know that I will ever be used to it. In fact, it stinks! I absolutely HATE leaving him every day. It is still so hard to say good-bye, and I find myself tearful nearly every morning (and sometimes noon and night!). I have been working on this particular blog post since the first of January. However, every time I tried to sit down to try and write more, I found myself once again in tears and overwhelmed with emotions I didn’t even know I had within. I never imagined that I would want to stay home. I worked so hard to establish my career and become a music therapist and special educator, and I love my students and colleagues immensely. However in the moment Graham was born, all my priorities in life shifted.
I no longer define myself as a music therapist or teacher first, but as a mommy. In the past, short 2 ½ months I have discovered that being a mommy is not an easy job, but definitely the most rewarding, important, and fun job I have ever had! From the instant I laid eyes on Graham, I knew that I would never really be ready to go back to work, but rejoining the working world has been one of the most challenging things I have ever done. I am constantly saying that if I could only win the lottery, I would stay home with Graham, at least until he is old enough for school! (If anyone out there has the winning numbers, please, please, please let me know!)
I mean really, who would want to leave this adorable guy everyday?
So I guess until I win the lottery or the prize patrol comes knocking, I will be dividing my time between being a mommy, wife, and music therapist. Whew…it is quite the balancing act. My first day back at work, I joked that I was in the running for “Mother of the year” award as I not only dropped Graham off at day care, but picked him up and took him straight to the pediatrician’s office for his 2 month check-up and first round of vaccines. I shed more tears that day than I have in an extremely long time. I also shed WAY more tears than Graham, on both counts! (On that day, he weighed 9 lbs 13 oz and was 22 inches long. He was in the 10th percentile for both weight and length and 15th percentile for head circumference. We joked that he spent so much time getting spoiled by family and friends at Christmas that his head had grown faster than the rest of him)! Although no other days have been quite that traumatic, Chris and I have been working so hard this past month trying to redefine our routine and figure out exactly how this whole family thing works.
Hmmm...My pensive boy!
For the most part, we have settled into a “routine” (though I use that term loosely with a baby in the house) wherein I get Graham ready, send he and Chris out the door, and then get myself ready to go. At the end of the day, Chris typically picks up Graham, and I find myself racing home to snuggle, cuddle, play, sing, and laugh with him until bed time. In the meanwhile, nothing gets done around the house (and boy do I have the messes and never-ending “to-do” lists to prove it). But in the long run, I wouldn’t trade my time with Graham and Chris for anything, even if the house seems to alternate between swallowing me whole and falling apart around me. As Chris said, “it doesn’t get easier, you just get used to it!”
This napping thing, we can all definitely get used to!
